Mathias
by Ithilis Genavive
Summary: After the Kalmar union, a tired and broken Denmark reflects.


You never really know what fear is..until you've lost everyone, until you're alone. I've never thought much of a throne, such a dull boring seat, looked uncomfortable too but I guess I never realised what it meant, sitting in that stuck up chair was everything, it was power and money, control.

It was the difference between life and death, and whether you get fed today or not, the chair is a big deal but it doesn't do much good, it always drives them mad, the kings, they get overwhelmed and scared, they don't know what to do with so much power and with no one to help, they cause a lot of harm.

But that's just human nature, its the way the world has been for a long time and who are we to question it?, I was supposed to be different. I wasn't supposed to harm, as a nation there was more expected of me, as a nation I let my people down, I gave in to desire and greed, I let the chair rule me and my actions and for a while I thought myself a god. I am no better than a human, I am no more in control, I have no less emotions and regret will not fix a thing, nothing will, not after what I've done.

Sverige hates me but then again when hasn't he? We've been quarreling for centuries, but this time I think I crossed the line. He was the finale in my downward spiral, his' defiance' had made me do it, if I take my gloves off and stare hard enough I can still see the blood I spilled in his capital of Stockholm, I can't stop washing my hands.

Finland hates me too, he may not say it, he may even deny it but I know its true I can see it in his eyes, they look sad and broken, and fearful. I treated him terribly, I took my frustrations out on him at moments notice as though he were the problem, I burned him and beat him until the stress was gone and he would scream, scream for anyone, Norge, Island, mostly Sverige. I knew they heard him but they knew well enough not to do a thing, not to even think about helping, I know it tortured Sverige to hear him... and if I sit still for too long and let my mind wonder.. I can still hear his screams, I never stay in one place more than two minutes.

Island wants me dead, he wants my head on a pike and I can't blame him, although he was treated just a little bit better I had a nasty habit of letting him starve as punishment. I'd keep him at the table while we ate, his hands tied and mouth gagged I'd whip him if he closed his eyes even for a second. I'd whip anyone who tried to give him food or water, that was mostly Norge, and after three days he'd get to eat, scrapes first and slowly he'd move up. It was my way of teaching him who was in charge, who made the rules and who was the king. If I eat inside I can see his skinny face, violet eyes watery and begging, I have one meal outside everyday, no more than that.

Norge doesn't care anymore, I could very well be dead and he wouldn't care, but I guess I deserve that. He was supposed to be my Queen, we were supposed to rule together but he was beaten like the rest, Whipped for giving Island food, starved for defending Finland and almost drown for taking Sverige's side. He never shed a tear, he never begged me to stop and he never showed fear, no matter how many times I did it, he never seemed to get that it would happen again. I was possessive, Norge was always kept in my room until a meal was to be eaten, he wasn't allowed to speak to anyone but me, he wasn't allowed to care about anyone but me not even his brother. If I lay in bed at night I can still feel Norge's stiff presence, terrified of what I might do, night was the one time he was terrified, I do not sleep in my own bed.

I've never thought much of a throne, until I realized what it meant to sit in one.  
Now that my castle has burned and broken but still stands tall I sit in my throne, my rubble throne and I rule over the emptiness that now inhabits my home.

Norge my love is gone, Island is gone, Sverige and Finland left together, I am the only one left, my flag burnt, bottles of alcohol littering the floor around me.

It was said that I was supposed to be different, that I wasn't supposed to fail what humans before me had, but I suppose nothing ever turns out the way it should.


End file.
